Kaedyn Will Never Have to Bitch About Anything, Because I’ve Already Done It for Him 🤣

There’s something about showers...They’re meant to be peaceful! But for so many of us, it’s where reality seeps in.

I’ve cried in the shower, you probably have too.

Girls will especially get it when I say I’ve sat on the actual floor. The water as scalding as possible burning my skin to the point I look like a beetroot (men can never understand this🤣), and sobbing for an hour because it was the only place I could fall apart without feeling like I owed anyone an explanation, where you can admit you’re not coping.

And lately as I’m helping Kaedyn shower, I’ve realised it means something entirely different for him.

Kaedyn cries in the shower too, but not for the same reasons. He cries because he can’t be in there alone or get himself in or out or control the direction or pressure. He can’t scrub his own hair or judge if the rinse was enough to stop weeks of itchy dandruff hell.

Every tiny decision has to be filtered through someone else’s hands. “Is this okay?" “Can you do this for me?” “Sorry… sorry…”

He apologises for things no 11yr old should ever apologise for. And the worst part is he gets that from me, it's learned behaviour 🤦🏽‍♀️

I’m a people pleaser...I swear like a sailor but I’m stupidly polite and constantly apologising for just existing.

And watching those traits in him breaks me.

Because I keep telling him “You need a stronger backbone than me, baby.”

And then there are the moments that rip we wide open, like when he has to ask if it’s okay to poo.

He shouldn’t have to check with someone before doing what every human body has to do.

I’d trade places with him in a heartbeat! But life doesn’t give you that option. But dear devil, I'm here, I'll do it...hit me up 😂 clearly my soul isn't pure enough 🫠

What it does give you though is perspective from watching what should be easy, be hard.

Slothing on the couch? Not simple.

Flopping on the bed for two minutes because you’re exhausted? Not simple.

Every movement for him is an operation. To sit on the couch he has to be physically lifted, positioned, later lifted off again

And the toilet....Because when you gotta go, YOU GOTTA GO, but nature isn’t checking your mobility schedule.

For Kaedyn, going to the toilet involves a shifty or hoist or muscle. Clothes from the waist down come off. Positioning, rolling the commode like it’s docking at a bloody space station and hoping the wee goes down instead of firing sideways

I still get shit on my hands.

I still forget to point the willy down and suddenly we’ve got a golden fountain across the floor.

But he did it.

He got to sit over the toilet like everyone else and at the risk of being punny...that's golden 💛🚽🧻

And through all of this, we’ve been incredibly lucky with our support workers.

We really do have a wonderful team.

They’ve slipped into our lives so organically, they adapted like cousins or older siblings, treating Kaedyn the way family should! Playful teasing, love, patience, and genuine care.

I’m never going to treat them like “employees.”

How could I, they’re in the trenches with me...

They get kicked out of the room when he's over stimulated, they get screamed at when Kaedyn hates his teacher a little extra somedays. They stand beside me in those “what the hell just happened?” moments where we just stare at each other and make very cautious calculated eye contact that we know is dangerous if we get caught🤣

They give me breaks when I can’t mentally hack the crying shower days. Sometimes watching your 11year old cry because life feels too hard or heavy is enough to break ANYONE...This isn’t how childhood should look.

But then… there was THAT one guy. 😂

The one whose first day was already a red flag...

He rocked up LATE.

And when I asked why, he said “Sorry, someone drew a dick on my car.”

Besties!!!  I just stared at him....

Sir…I'm sorry, what did you just say? 

Then... THEN he tried to charge me for the time he spent shopping for a birthday present DURING his shift, and then was late to the actual birthday party he was supposed to work at.

At that point I knew this guy was not my chaos to manage.

And listen… I’m fine with late.

Mae could write a thesis on the amount of times she’s called me from the front door, freezing, because I snoozed my alarm to the point it gave up on me

Our workers are late sometimes too, life happens, traffic happens, sometimes we have our periods and are like FUCK THE WORLD.

But they know on event days I’ve padded the schedule because I plan ahead like a military mum.

But dicks don’t just draw themselves on your car.

You pissed someone off, you made a bad life decision andsomeone didn't like it, that someone was NOT me, don't make it my problem. 😂

You get some good and some bad...

A photo of mister sassy pants just being sassy🙄🤪